I recently acquired a new client; let’s call her Amy. She has given me the go-ahead to share some of her experience here. She mentioned how difficult it had been for her to get out there in the world, to date, or to do anything else since her car accident in her first email to me asking about coaching. She’d suffered extensive
scarring to her face. In spite of the fact that Amy felt like she had never been a beautiful woman, she was paralyzed by her own shame after the accident. People acted as though they didn’t even notice her, so she was aware that how she looked was important. Amy felt invisible, which, to be honest, she liked.
Rewind to our first meeting, which was a week ago. When Amy appears on Skype, I started to question whether I had confused my client wires. Where was the car accident victim with scars? Not in a scarred and disfigured way, but rather in a supermodel way, the woman in front of me was stunning. Amy is 5’8″. At 135 pounds, she is toned and fit. A summer sky-colored pair of eyes and gorgeous, long, flowing blonde hair. For the first ten minutes of our video chat, I felt awkward because I was preoccupied looking at her makeup-free face and trying to spot the scar. When I finally had to ask where it was, tears started to fall down her cheeks as she jerked her gorgeous spiraling curls back and turned her head to the left. There, at the edge of her hairline, was a barely noticeable red line where stitches had once been.
One may now assume that this woman is ridiculously concerned about a scar because she is beauty obsessed. But nothing could be further from the truth. Amy never, ever thought of herself as beautiful, and to be completely honest, it didn’t take long for her drawn-out, guilty, and self-punishing energy to start influencing how I was viewing her as well.
Being the kind of beautiful that flits in and out of the moments of our days and lives is very different from being gorgeous for a split second to be photo-ready in the commercial world. Because it is truly an inside job, that kind of beauty is entirely dependent upon how we view ourselves, not how others view us. I’ve coached several professional models who struggled with their self-worth.
Going both ways, we’ve all witnessed it. We’ve all encountered women who initially appeared to be attractive, but whose energy caused us to change our opinion of them. Additionally we’ve all met the woman who had the attention of everyone around her, in a very positive way, that didn’t meet the standards of “traditional beauty”, but had that little somethin’ somethin’ that turned heads.
I have a choice in how I present myself and behave in public. I have the ability to be both my own best friend and worst enemy. The main factor affecting how other people perceive me is how I see myself. Beauty is not subjective. How attractive I am is entirely up to me. My challenge to you, from one stunning woman to another, is to go out there and be your most radiant self. Display the gifts from nature. Share your beauty with confidence.